Compassion versus Empathy

Joan Halifax has just published a wonderful book STANDING AT THE EDGE: FINDING FREEDOM WHERE FEAR AND COURAGE MEET.  For all of you who suffer from empathy burn-out – this is your book. It is Buddhist based because Joan is a Roshi and has an incredible background in many areas. Empathy is necessary as a starting point for compassion. But staying there is a prescription for stress and illness. Feeling another’s feelings and staying with these feelings accentuates suffering and really does not help the other person. The move to compassion keeps your heart open but you don’t take on the other’s burden. There is a clear boundary between you and the other person which is healthy. This is essential at this time when we are bombarded with violence in our country and abroad. Joan talks about the edge states of altruism, empathy, integrity, respect and engagement. She discusses how you can lose your footing on the edge state. Altruism can turn into another form – pathological altruism. Empathy can become empathic distress. If you take on others emotional or physical feelings, please read this book.

Stress Is Good For You!

Here is an amazing concept which is beneficial for all of us. We can not avoid stress. Trying to avoid only leads to a shut-down in life and less joy and well-being. Here is the paradoxical answer as to how to have stress beneficial for you – welcome stress. Kelly McGonigal Ph.D. has written a summary of the stress research and how to apply this to your life. The title is The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good For You and How To Get Good at It. 

How you think about stress impacts the neurotransmitters released and the impact on your body and mind. “The effect you expect is the effect you get.”  Research has shown that people who believe stress is enhancing are healthier, happier, more productive, more satisfied with their lives than those who believe otherwise with the same amount of stress.

There are three categories of benefits of stress and the concomitant mindset.

1. Stress helps you rise to the challenge by mobilizing energy
2. Stress helps you connect with others and increases courage
3.  Stress helps the brain learn and grow

The book has helpful exercises to get to this new place around stress as well as lots of examples and research. http://www.kellymcgonigal.com.